Sunday

February 1st

Weeks came and went yet I found myself still far from Italy.

After Mount Etna errupted I anyway kind of thought maybe Sicily had to wait and my quest for the "Real Guliano" better be postponed.

Though trying to cheer up my Mum proved challanging...it did not help that German humour just one more time did simply not agree with me. 

(I know Mum you are going through such a hard time (again) no disrespect. I thought you were doing so great in keeping it all together...as always... I wish I could have done more to lift you up...somehow.)

They must be bloody kidding, was what I thought at 1st till I realised no....I think they actually mean it.....A new interpretation/translation to : "S.O.S. I found in one of Mum's local papers (again).

SAUBERKEIT - ORDNUNG - SICHERHEIT....

No mention of my soul and the importance of saving it...let alone having one in the 1st place....

Guess they had to come up with something after that VORSPRUNG DURCH TECHNIK -thing (only have to mention D(eutsche) B(ahn)) is clearly more than outdated?

Still at least it is finally confirmed and not just suspected....as I kind of thought on many occasions....
There is always someone with me....and he/she/it/they/genderless/non binary sth/sexless entity/god.....or whoever that is (as the question as always remains....) IS HAVING SO MUCH FUN?!

Honestly not sure if that is any consolation or  sounds more like a threat...

....as I really so enjoy being for myself....and most of my internal conversations are the best I ever have/had.

Seems if you really want to "talk" these days its best to pay a professional (as in therapist).

Doubt anybody else really has or would take the time to listen/engage in person/face to face whilst there is so much constant mobile on screen babble all around anyway.

...also not sure they find it (or anything really) funny in Germany at all...well anywhere most probably...and as anybody around here does most seriously reassure me (actually since ever I can think).....things (with me) will come to a terrible or at least tragic end....

you/me/he/she/it/they...uso...just wait and see.

So yeah maybe you all wait and see (but please let me enjoy my life meanwhile/while I can)..

Meaning contrary to common\current day practice I am countercollectively all of the above (sauber, ordentlich and sicher(at least feel it)and I do like to keep my soul and my own company.

Even though that means (just one more time) it is "have nothing-go nowhere little ME" against all the "WES" in this world...living on the edge of BOXING DAY. 

My paupers pension plan does not go any further but the purchase of a pistol or some pills (probably both to be on the save side), a rifle or a rope and some detailed instruction on how to administer them in an impactful, lasting fashion....once the fun(d)s are gone.

Sure there is an alternative possibility of joining a monastery (see pic above! ... reminded me of remote future eventualities) .... have to find one in a picturesque setting though.... only downside being:  I have to fake pure religious intent and devotion and I really do not like to wear head gear. 

And after the Pope, Michael Jackson and Salvatore Guliano turned out to be rather not exactly what they looked like on paper my faith took a bit of a tumble/turn as well. Understandably....

So as always it looks like all it comes down to is the delightful (most realistic) future perspective of where I will simply have to work till I drop dead from it.....

Hoping to find someone in the future who actually wants to pay me for it.