Saturday

January 30th

And it looks as if it was only 4 years... well it has been 6 (While I had planned 2) and I must have been counting every day, every hour, every minute...all the time. And now it is over, I even got through the last 2 years and on top past the exams, not in the best way but that was not really so important anyway.

This morning it was all so quiet and grey outside. Just the clouds hanging so low, passing me by as if they had something to say...talking of a far more far out place.

So I guess I'll just have to make it there make it through (again) and while I am getting on with it simply manage to stand upright unsupported. Does not sound as if I have not done just exactly that before. Maybe soon I wish myself back to that swivel chair. But probably not. I am sure as soon as I am out of here I'll be better than I was in a long time. Though I think I'll never feel like then ...and I miss just that so much. My spanish place and all the time that came with it. The time I spent here whatsoever seems to have gone by within a blink of an eye, and I hardly remember anything. Almost as if it never was.

And I most urgently have to make some memorable memories soon!!!! Can't wait,,,but like the looking forward to it .

So I think the 1st thing I will attend to now is to seriously slow down time (and if it was only for those two weeks before I start on that new JOB).

Secondly I will have to de-clutter all, everyting and mostly myself from all I piled up over the last 2 years.

It looks like the next few days I will spend in close proximity of the rubbish bins...and the fire place alternatively. Burn most of it really...feels wonderfull to get rid of it all.

And then just one more time start something new...write a fresh and untold chapter.

See whats left of FREEDOM and what it looks like living it in the year 2016.

Had enough of standing in line for social securities, looking down at my shoes while I have nothing else to do but to count the grains of dust that have settled on top of their tips. As if this is just what they want from everybody...being dependent, fearful and deep down in dept.

Curtesy to their moods and mercy and the ridiculous 400;-Euro in moneys they pay you if you tick all the boxes that bind you!!!! God I so have had enough of boxes....!Go for the alternative and count the blisters on my toes as long as  I am able to walk them.

And somehow I hoped with a new life came a new face not that I was really unsatisfied with the old one but I hoped after that nose operation this bloody bump had somehow disappeared. Well unfortunatly it hasn't almost feel like it is worse than before.

Just my luck again isn't it. Finally dare to get it done, hoping to better myself and I only make it worse.

Well I guess I will have to keep my head turned from now on. I am sure people will get used to talking to my ears. Always thought they were right up there amongst my best features anyway.