Saturday

September 05th

Actually already Sunday morning....well... I am still sitting here listening to this ....

.....and the Sherlock Series Soundtrack, yeah right Sherlock again (addicted to a certain lifestyle and the problems of your future also of course Readbeard(maybe a bit bombastic but reminds me of my dog) and the lie in Leinster Gardens)

Like it is all about London somehow. Brilliant acting, soundtrack, story and humour. Really wish there was more of it....Sherlock, London and the FUTURE of course!!!!

Guess like always when I have the time I am just to lazy to get up and go to bed. Though I have recently figured my only true addiction is sleep ( would like some more of it) besides this........

...only had 2 and a half all day, but the wine tastes really lonley without any at all. Well I'll be off to hospital then next week and I really felt like saying something nice before.

Good thing.... though I am actually neither allowed to smoke, won`t probably sleep and will have real trouble breathing for a while.... I`ll be off the crazy "ups and throughs" for almost two weeks. That is almost worth getting a few more body parts cut off.

Sunday

September 06th

So just in case...here are some things I still want to say also :

- Something feels like a beautiful autumn day out there....

- Thank you for the picture.

- That I do have hair...though nobody really sees it recently.

-That for a while I thought Bill Nighy was Britains sexiest smoker alive...guess he got toppled then....and ... no I am not talking about Sherlock....

-That I could never do without all this......

-

-That I have no idea how to get through the next winter months, the upcoming exams and the getting up in the middle of the night again for something that means nothing to me....but that I will....just don`t ask me why....because I feel I had more self respect if I didn`t do this to myself....and I am doing it way to long already.

-That if all this is through there will be my new life.....and I will find it!!!!

-And that already now I have walked more than the average refugee in order to get to it!!!!

-That I know too.

-That I like those shoes (though they still not have "happiness" written all over them). But I guess they are good for walking not?

-That there was the brightest rainbow above the woods just outside my mums place two weeks ago....and that sometimes there is magic.

- That I should shut up now.

Sunday

September 20th

Sick days are almost through.

Still have no idea how I will make it without all this precious space and time (hiding in my mums back garden seems to be so peacefull at times) ... being junked with all the rest of the countless into smelly crowded trains and tiny airless rooms again. Well if that was my future I will most certainly do without it. Because besides my sleep, light, space and time addiction I simply claim the right to continue practicing "that particular lifestyle (and standard)". The one that is described in that news article about the 80ies below I found a few days ago. The one that everybody so completly abandons... without question even, probably being to tired to tight (money wise)and to terrorised by lack of time. I could not do without what makes myself the only way I want to be. The best self I'll ever be.

And I do not understand how everybody embraces hell on earth. Being erased by this or the other "mass event" like there is nothing else but just those masses and masses and more on their way. (Jesus why is wherever just constantly crowded recently?) And the level of your own individual creativity, originality or self depends entirely on how much you can pay for it.

Seriously if I see myself on those trains 5 years from now police patroled every move a suspicious attempt ... ghettoed and bunk bedded into the only affordable living space.... Because all the rest is either distributed to refugees, who are thankfull to live and work for nothing but a bomb free zone above their heads or taken by the super rich, who turn every place into a perverted gold plated paradise.

Where every thought is (or could be) an exploitable business plan. And everything else at least a profitable investment if it is worth being considered into existance at all. Where homes are just houses that nobody can afford, paintings merely 00000000s behind a figure in a bank account. Looked at because they are worth millions billions even.... and not just because they are "simply" beautiful.

Well....people, I' ll be out of here and the only carreer (after I so successfully completed the only job I felt I have left out so far: The nose job*****) I will consider will be something like horse groom in New Zealand. Anywhere else equally spacious will be considered also.

Well whatever.... really....

Big news is I have not smoked a single cigarette ( well ok 2 and a half) since the 7th of September. That is actually how bad it was (*****the nose job). Never knew how much stuff one can actually fit up ones nostrils and what they all stuffed up mine. But whatever they put in is out now and already just for the breathing it was so worth it.

Of course I hope it will look better also...but I can not really say yet as it is partly swollen still and they yet have to remove the sticky tapes.

And every time again I think this camera takes brilliant pics.