Saturday

January 17th

So if there  is something that saves me than it must be "british comedy, freedom of speech, british gay guys (amongst them David Starkey and Stephen Fry) and the Coldplay song from Catching Fire". Because freedom and the expression of its manifestation (rather the other way round not...? the manifestation of its expression...?)in this world is not about winning an argument (no more) it is about being able/allowed to have one! So yeah(!) things are definitely way more complicated.....

Monday

January 5th

Most of my precious time for X-mas I spent booking flights and rooms. Most of the actual flight I spent at the airport and the room I paid for I had to cancel because I never made it over THERE as the flight got finally called off.

So after all I will be back to HERE......

I know within a week I'll be back to hating everything... The penetrating language piercing my eardrums, that horribly ugly building, those dull people, the stiffness and the pains that come creaping up my legs and into my body as soon as I am within a 100 metre radius from it. Just everything really I am locked up with inside that torturous room including myself (mostly!) ... the swivel chair I am tied to the guy I have to share it with 8 hours 5 days a week (the room thanks god not the chair...though in a world where space will soon be more valuable than anything that might almost certainly be the future), the smell of coffee. I used to like it because it was like sunday. Now nothing is like Sunday nomore not even weekends. Like there is no air anywhere and all those vacuums (inside and outside) just make me want to stop breathing all together, all those subjects that are banged into my head and leave it emptier than it ever was in all my life. What a waste.....

So here is to the year 2016 (if I am still alive then)!!!!!

I really can not think about the next one in any way!

Just another one without myself...

Never in my life have I felt so completly reduced to absolutly nothing... and though I think about it almost every day I can not come up with what it was I must have done to deserve what I get...but whatever I will do to make up for all this (pure pre-punishment) ....I will make sure it will better be bloody well worth it!