Friday

December 25th

Most miserable x-mas in a very long time.

Need something real, substantial and beautiful rather soon or I might just vanish with the last few days of this year all together, go to where time goes to where I will never get it back from..... all wasted, dead tired, loveless with absolutly nothing at all...have to remember my gift but I doubt anybody anywhere really gives a single frying fuck about wether I get or give it..........

Guess thats just all you get for being born the wrong kind of bird. No bum no bags no talking blond to get you to where I should have been instead. Well I'll be back to the job centre signing on again, because that is all I get after all....wonder-full outlook towards the new year.....and I want to do so many things still.

And I really just have to get out of here and find my own life somewhere, with a little bit of my beauti-full dream remaining in it...should have not left it on the floor feels so much like it just gets stepped on repeatedly. I am afraid one day I will not know how to fix it back into shape again.....!!!!

But I found my x-mas/NewYears song: Chim Chim Che-re (East Wind) from Saving Mr.Banks

it goes like....

Winds in the east...

Mist coming in...

like something is brewing...about to begin?

Cant put my finger on what lies in store...

But I feel what is to happen....

ALL HAPPENED BEFORE....