Tuesday

21st April

Now I am back to this.....

A shadow of  my self....(or at least what I feel I should have been...well wanted/hoped to be)...

While in the morning those German clouds up there are pulling the sky down on me. Surrounded by streaming stressing traffic, fat cars where ever I look (most of them not even really owened by the people who drive them.

Rushing over those always to present particles. As if they seem to be creating some ever present traumatic energy I feel this country will never grow free of. Some silent depression I am fighting every day as soon as I have to try and fit into this streamlined way of life longer than just a few weeks for x-mas or a quick visit to my family. It is present in so many things all around. But nobody seems to notice. Guess everybody is to busy working, functioning perfectly for only half of what they could have had if things were fair.

But I am having a real problem with this being "inFEARiriorily friendly and "voluntarily obliged.

Can`t wait to be my real self again....

Mostly I am growing really tired of talking German all the time. It makes me so extremly aware of my all to obvious lack of obedience. I really do not notice a single trace of it (the actual obedience I mean not the lack of it) at all when I am speaking English.

But at least spring time is equally beautiful where ever really.....cheers me up a bit....

And after watching "The Whistleblower (great cast, intense and true story, though not exactly easy going saturday night entertainment)" I figured that within all my restrictions I am after all more free / free-er than a lot of people in worse places still.

Not really sure if that is good or bad though!?

Monday

30th March

-

Friday

3rd April

That's what I got....

A lot of rather ugly guys riding magnificent horses over roof tops. The sky was quite impressive though...and the transport system decent but all yellow. And as I still do not like this country I found it difficult to really feel anything for it's capital.......miss LONDON like always.