Saturday

August 25th

Last days of summer... (which summer?) feel like Iam geting sick. On and off diarrhoea since 2 weeks, and there is yellow bits coming out of my nose again, feel like I have water in my ears and a scratchy throat. Beautiful....Though I actually felt rather good yesterday tired but ok. Guess I need a real break to those "5 to 9 ups and throughs" rather soon. Though I am afraid it will still be a while... 

Saturday

August 18th still

Just remembered the times I went swimming in the lake...

somehow then nobody came squeezing in and taking up the space on my bath towel uninvited....and how then I felt like I was breathing and beautiful and dreamt about

"...mi vida...mas y mas..."

And how I was going to find it once I ll leave this place....

And how I left and how I am back here after 25 years with nothing more but to find this to me or myself invisible note stuck to my forehead that must (! simply must !!!!I have no other explanation) read something like:   

"I do love asshole sex!"

Refering rather to the mental capacity and composition of the aspiring respondent (to it ...the note) but the ähm promoted physical location.

Would do very well starring in an asshole movie myself....Now I know all about them.

And how till up to maybe three or four years ago I was still willing to see everybodies good side their buried beauty...

Well ... by now Iam  far to tired to waste this shuffle Iam still carrying around ( in case of unexpected snow storms or other catastrophies )on this. 

And somehow I am just so afraid after all I got( though I do not know what I possibly did to deserve this ) I will never really find my love back and all there is and ever will be are memories of the times when I fooled myself with somebody elses makebelieves about it.

 

Saturday

August 18th

And out of all the movies I watched since I joined this moviebuster I think my favourite was Sherlock Holmes "A Game of Shadows". Reminded me of how the lord and the devil must still be doing it, how "railwaymen" have rather little in common with "traindrivers" and Tom and Jerry will never really stopp the chop.

Simply a perfect symbiosis out of fast paced but yet punctual action as well as eye-catching and eye-resting detail (of course can relate very well to the curse of "seeing" but not finding what your looking for).

Real original dialog, great humour, perfect scenery and I actually loved the soundtrack(!!!). This "Romani Holiday" is one of the best bits of music I have listened to in a long time. Seems like somebody is trying a little more here but to imitate "Spice Girls". So Guy Ritchie might be whatever he is (as I never met him anyway)... he makes fucking brilliant movies!

Second next on my list "I'm still here". Not actually because of its storyline or anything like it just because I think it must be hillarious to make such a real "Asshole Movie". Imagine you can be that little "shit lick main character" for months and months........

How wonderfull to finish it off, get out and afterwards probably only ever just want one thing.... : ...TO BE NICE!!!!!!!

And on top of that everybody will congratulate you on your masterpiece"



Friday

August 17th

So all I wanted 2 do since monday was to wash my hair....done that....

Open a bottle and listen to the best sound of the week...done that too...

Have some dinner while I am somewhere inbetween here and the bathroom...not sure if I am done with the bathroom yet....

...then fall asleep instantly...will do...but 1st have a bit of chocolate with my vino.

So I figured where I will go then when I feel like I should have / would have ( if I was not so unbelieveably tired) danced all night....Isnt that why they call it the boogie bin? No loonie bin (how you write loony???) well never mind it is all still the wrong movie any way. The same like years ago. Wasn t it "The Rock" I was going to see? When I ended up in the wrong Sala again... Yeah with the wrong Chico too (like always)....

Like I am so desperately waiting for somebody to tap on my shoulder, show me "my ticket", there must be a way out.... and in (!), to where I should have been.

Release me from this misery. Maybe should have bought more. Could have eventually made the wait worth while. But I was never really one for standing in line, not that I would not wait for ever like allways.

But this has nothing to do with this story I was going to let myself in for. Unrecognizeable characters, all those dead bodies and birds.... well and the Prom Quing is nowhere to be seen ( if I was not still believing and hoping 4 "otherwise" I would almost say he got boobie trapped, somewhere on his way here. Home to me where I neither have one nor the other )!!!!! As if I left it all to where my love went after it did not fit my castle-bag...So now.... it looks very much like I will have to keep on trying my 200 years tops instead.

My mum must have been right telling me not to come back when everything  goes wrong. Somehow I cant rid myself of the feeling she only agreed to it recently so she could tell me her favourite words....I told you so!!!!

But good news is I found another thing I like about Germany (besides the Carrot juice and my mums backgarden)....German army boots. In every movie they look like they just do all the walking/running by themselves.



Sunday

August 12th 2012

So still most of the time Tarantino movies make me feel like I have to board one of those over crowded execution trains. Somehow they give me this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach and that not in a good way. Must have been the only living soul who walked out of " Pulp Fiction " right in the middle of it.

Remembered this discussion with this one of my two only friends left  ( who turned herself into the boogie bin a few weeks ago, well the other one left dutyfull f...ing Germany and went with her three little blond babies back to Sweden-----so what else was I going to do but to watch movies, a bit to tired for talking a lot and anyway nobody here speeks english...)  years ago about what a genius film maker he was and how I really wasn't sure how to agree to that. "You havn't seen war/violence through the eyes of Quentin Tarantino...???" Guess he sees it a bit the same like the makers of  "Tom and Jerry" do. Except he uses real actors to give the whole thing a little more impact.

Bloodspattering cruelty that in real life would make viewers want to vomit served/presented in this cool, brainless most stupid but (nowadays) most common fashion.

What is suppost to be so cool or funny about blowing somebodies bratwurst brains or balls out and off anyway?

Inglorious Basterds, yeah... perfectly stereotyped but oh so real portrait of the Nazi-German (and American too), ( particularily the woman in the white shirt sitting at the table playing the card game with all the guys in the tavern/basement scene. Reminded me instantly of one of the four police women sitting on my head, stripping me off my underwear on the day I embraced that lamppost, same hard and emotionless voice...and then this attitude ...as if it was so great to have found something that does not comply something to knock over and feel superior about...just because there is nothing else to do on a monday morning, but to get up early and remain watch-and dutyfull...trim it back to the line we can all "follow".)  though I am rather of the opinion the "general German" has not come a long way since then and since ever embodied way more the likes of a hen but those of a hawk....almost sure he lives happily and unnoticed yet unprovoked throughout all nations.

Best personification of that character has ever been the German Gunther in Captain Correllis Mandolin!!! So typical his faces and traces. Undescribeable in words....anyway I am geting rather bored talking about the Germans and Germany all the time. Start to look a bit like it already...



Should go for a walk, but it is sunday and out there is crowded with happy loving couples who make me feel like they stab a knife through my intestines every time I see them. Celebrating those beautiful Summer days and nights just like they must do in London tonight. In this only ever place that felt like home... and I can not afford unless I want to sleep in Hyde Park again, sit on my heavy bag and last but lost belongings. Feel "the love and unity". Yeah my love and how I gave all of it/for it ... and how I have nothing left of anything....

Seems I am rapidly going towards this thing where winter becomes my most favourite time of year, now that is when I know I am really fucked...(up)

So like most sundays, I'll do a washing and the wash up, and go to bed early because I have to be up at 5 in the morning to do this job I have to be so thankful for.